Betty ford says i'm here all night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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