I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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