I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
