Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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