he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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