my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
