finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
