I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugly people sure do ruin things
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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