i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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