I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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