Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
