does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we made out on top of his cat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
