Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize