It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
