I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
