I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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