can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
