I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
