A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
