he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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