Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
