me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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