I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
