You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
