this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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