he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I want is dick and wine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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