I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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