I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
