I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
