I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
