He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
