"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
