so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
