I wish I could teleport
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
