Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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