I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
