Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
