five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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