he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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