Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
