Apparently you make a good broom.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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