How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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