I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize