his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
