I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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