I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
