who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
