Small penises have feelings too.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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