If that was your dad, he is hot
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had to cum in my sink.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
