I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
