so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
