Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm jealous of your bromance
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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