Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
