Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
