either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
