My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
50% drunk capacity currently
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
