My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm jealous of your bromance
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I didn't notice because vodka
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
