No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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