Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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