i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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