so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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