I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize