He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize