i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
