My first STD was from a foam party
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
