We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
