It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
