Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
