I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
