she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
