so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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