he puts the penis in happiness.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
