My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
