Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
