Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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