She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
