I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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