Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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