he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
