I am puke
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
