omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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