I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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