I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
