how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
