ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
