Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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