I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
