So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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